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Writer's pictureNeil Greenwood

Tuesday Bluesday

Updated: Jun 29, 2022

Today has been a real struggle. Another late morning getting up, no rise at 5 which then throws me off for the day. We were meant to be doing yoga but I rang Layla and she wasn't awake so that was all the excuse I needed to not do it. This is one of the reasons I don't like being around stress and drama, because it really takes a toll on my own mental health. Outwardly I am this happy-go-lucky positive person, but maintaining that is a daily conscious effort. I've not really been that involved in the tavern this past week and that is usually my safe space because there is always something to keep me busy and I know that the work I am doing there is creating a positive environment for others and it gives me a purpose.


Also it's been a few days of admin as I've had no appointments to go to which doesn't help. I am much better when I have a busy week, work-wise and socially because I am better when I'm around other people. Getting appointments these last few days has felt like pulling teeth, and when it's like that it's hard to stay buoyant. Once I get one appointment booked in you tend to get on a roll as your frame of mind changes, but as soon as I get a few knockbacks and JNo's it's a downward spiral. I will try and get up earlier tomorrow and get myself back into some kind of routine. This is why I think it's time for a job change because I like to be busy and the problem with this job is, you are self-employed and every week is like a reset. You wake up Monday with nothing in your diary and have to start ringing around to get something in the diary or you basically aren't getting paid. That then creates pressure because you know the bills are coming out whether the money is there or not. But you can't force people to see you and they either need more stock or they don't. Even if I focus on getting Christmas appointments, those payments don't come until October/November so don't help today's finances.


The Virtual Tavern also feels like a pressure when I am struggling financially because there are certain things that need to be paid for from the tavern, like website costs, licenses etc that if the money isn't there just ends up coming out of my account, rather than risk losing the website etc. The Canva license alone is £10.99 a month and since we started the tavern that has always come out of my account because it's too much stress worrying about not having the £10.99 a month in the funds when it tries to automatically take it. A lot of the responsibility falls n my shoulders to arrange the next events, do the posters, sort out sponsorship, update the website, generate income through merchandise sales etc. I'm hoping as soon as we get the whole CIC sorted I can get some of the team looking at start-up grants etc which will help. It would be good to have the running costs covered for say the next 5 years to take the pressure off. The dream would be to have some big sponsors onboard and to get a regular income stream sorted so that we can constantly be helping different charities but also still have funds to help put on events etc.


I know I create work for myself by always looking for the next things to do, but I think if we don't keep evolving then the tavern will just fizzle out. We could do with a marketing and fundraising-type team who can look after some of that side of things. I still know there is a lot of growth to be had as we aren't reaching anywhere near as many people as we could be doing. People that may be isolated and live alone and who would appreciate the company chatting to others in our online community.


I try to keep myself up-beat by having social events to look forward to and spending time with friends, but they usually come at a cost. That's then a vicious cycle because when finances are low you can't always afford to do them, which means you just spend more time alone with your own thoughts. It doesn't help cos that DICK still has made no attempt to pay me back! I have passed it on to a court enforcement team so it can be escalated to the high courts and they can then go and collect payment or seize goods to the value of. I know it will get sorted but it's still pressure having to deal with it all. All this because I was kind enough to help out a so-called friend when they were struggling. Lesson learned I guess.


Might be lotto ticket tomorrow, see if I can solve all my problems in one go lol.


Oh well bit of a doom and gloom post today and not been anywhere to take any pics :-/

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