Today was quite an uneventful day just doing admin for work and got my Morrisons delivery, so I thought I would continue with the next person on my list of influences in my life.
Dad
I know it's an old clique but it's true that you don't appreciate something until it's gone. From as far back as I can remember my dad always had dreams of doing something more. He left school and from the age of 16 worked on the railway until the day he was pensioned off early due to ill health.
I remember when I was at school and he had bought a large van and fitted it out with shelves all around and used to go round the streets selling fruit and veg from his van. This was long before supermarkets offered things like click and collect or home deliveries. He hated his job on the railway as it was really unsocial hours and shifts. He loved his mates there but not the job. That was one of the things as I got older that I was determined to make sure that no matter what carer I went into I would make sure it was something I loved.
When I first left school I remember being pushed into accounts and banking and like pro0bably everyone in my class we all applied to the local banks and large companies for jobs. I eventually got a YTS (youth training scheme) at Ferranti's. They basically gave school leavers the opportunity to learn a skill whilst getting a small wage which kept unemployment figures down and also gave companies cheap labour and a chance to "try before you buy". There was usually a job at the end of it but some companies just took advantage of it. I left there when I realised there probably wasn't going to be a job at the end and got a job (again in Accounts) and the big CIC building). The place was great you go so many staff perks, like a FREE canteen that had everything you could think of to eat for lunch every day. It was flexi-time so you could save up extra hours to take a flexi day once a month. I loved the people and the place but it just wasn't my type of job. Whilst I was there I would go for auditions or extra work through my agent Laine Management. I eventually got a job in travel and LOVED IT. I got to see so many places on work trips or discounted travel and my dad would always be proud of all the things I was doing or the places I was visiting.
My dad knew I didn't like it and would always encourage me to look for something I enjoyed. He was always a big believer in following your dreams, whereas mum always thought of them as just that, Dreams! My mum was always the pessimist of the two and always came up with reasons why they couldn't do things. We almost bought my Aunty Joans' big house once on Belgrave Road, but mum put the damper on it. That would have been worth a fortune now, but hindsight is a great thing I guess. Where mum was always the voice of reason, Dad would always encourage me to 'give it a go'.
He had plans to live abroad when he retired but sadly that never happened as he got ill before he could retire.
My dad got ill after he kept getting pins and needles in his legs and they would just go from underneath him sometimes. After lots of trips to and from the doctors they eventually sent him for a scan. The original scan showed a shadow on his spine that the doctor said was just 'old age" and sent him on his way. Eventually, when it got worse and he had pain in his spine he managed to get to see a specialist (and only because my aunty knew the guy). Turns out that shadow was a tumour.
By this time he was walking with the aid of crutches and he went to hospital for an Op which was what we thought to remove the tumour. Turns out it was just a biopsy. He went in on crutches but came out in a wheelchair because the tumour was near his spinal cord and they must have disturbed it doing the op. Anyway, he never walked from then.
Over the next 15 years no matter what life threw at my dad, he just got on with it. After the 'op' he pretty much ended up paraplegic as he had no feeling from the chest down. So he was incontinent and didn't really know when he needed the loo. He had his bed moved downstairs and had carers come in twice a day to make sure he had food and change his pads etc. Mum did most of it for a while but it started to get too much and her own health was also not great.
He had radiotherapy to shrink the tumour. He had a stoma bag fitted to give him a bit of dignity back so he could at least deal with that himself. He had pressure sores and ended up having to have one of his legs amputated. He even kept a sense of humour through all that and asked the doctor if he could remove both legs as he would "never need them and would be easy to move about".
This picture sums up my Dads humour. when the carers had to take a naughty elf picture with each of their clients, my dad said "go and get the pizza cutter or a knife and then add some ketchup to my stump as if the elf has cut my leg off". The carers were like "are you sure you are okay with that" and my dad insisted they take the pic. Even back at the office the boss asked if the client was okay with that picture being used. Losing his leg was something he couldn't do anything about so he didn't see the point in dwelling on it, he just got on with things with one leg instead of two.
Even when he was lying in bed looking at the same 4 walls he would still take an interest in what I was up to. Where had I been?, what was I doing that week? He would always ask for a copy of the trade magazine I started to write a column for. At the time you don't see all these things I was guilty of finding it an annoyance sometimes, when as soon as I walked in he would as "where've you been today". I now realise he was just trying to show an interest and live vicariously through me. I could always manage to make my dad laugh to defuse a situation. If ever he'd had a go at mum for something or they'd had words, I knew exactly what to do to make him laugh and break the mood and he knew it. He would often tell me to "piss off" after I'd made him crack a smile when he wanted to stay in a bad mood lol.
Every time there was something else he was just like "oh well let's get this sorted next then". The last straw eventually came when he kept getting pneumonia and chest infections and eventually had to have a tube up his nose to feed him. His food was his only real pleasure in life as having his morning porridge gave him something to look forward to. It was at that point when you could see the light had gone out in his eyes and he must have just given up. It's hardly surprising as most people would have given up at the start but he battled on for another 15 years after his first diagnosis.
The carers that used to look after my dad loved coming to see him and we are still in touch with some of them now. He never liked to bother them and many a time they would ask if he wanted anything and he would say no, only to ask me to make him a sandwich after they had left because "they had enough to do". He rarely complained and always kept his humour right up to the end. He would often just give me "a look" when Kirsty or Mum had done something or they were having a go about something. He would give me that look and smile and we both knew that meant "here we go again" or " She's off" or "What have I done now?"and we would both just laugh LOL.
Whenever I cross another thing off from my "life list" book, I often say out loud as if he's listening "that's another thing I've done Dad", cos I know he would be proud to see me doing well.
The two best qualities I am most proud of, that I owe to my dad are my sense of humour and my positive outlook. It's not always easy to be positive when you have the dark cloud always in the distance somewhere, but I try wherever possible to see the positive side of any given situation. If my dad could manage it even when faced with all the things he had to contend with, then I certainly can. That is something I definitely got from my Dad.
Thanks Dad!
There are a few others on My List, that I will dedicate a post to over the next few days/week (depending how exciting my life is lol).
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