Home and a Moan

Didn't sleep much last night, I've gotten that used to Bonnie sleeping on the pillows near the top of my head and moving every time I move, it just felt strange. Got up at 8:30am eventually as I couldn't get back from sleep from about 7am so didn't see the point in staying in bed. I got up, showered, and dressed ready for work but then decided to rearrange my appointment for next week. I really could not face being around people today and just wanted a day at home with Bella. There were lots to do around the house to keep me busy so I put all the washing away that I've been meaning to get on top of since I got back from Bali.

The Court Enforcement people rang to say that Ashley hasn't made his first payment yet and has asked if he can pay £100 instead of £300 for November and December. I told them NO as he could have been doing that since LAST December, He even said when I told him it was going legal "they will just offer me a payment plan so I will pay £50 a month or something and it will take ages for it to be paid back". He just knows how to play the system and is taking the absolute piss! I've told them to go back to him and say I don't accept those terms so we will see what they come back with.

Bella has been so quiet all day, I do wonder if she understands what's happened because she just seems to be looking at the door all the time as if she is waiting for Bonnie to come back, bless her. She seemed really sad all day and I just wanted her to cuddle up with me but she prefer to sit on the stairs because it was always Bonnie who sat with me on the sofa. Hopefully once she adjusts she will realise she can take her place beside me.

I did quite well all day with Bella keeping me company but then when Legacy Pets rang to say "we have Bonnie ready to bring home to you" it just broke me. Hearing those words for one split second made me think she was coming home in person. Then it made me realise that she will never be coming home and I will never see her again. I sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour no exaggeration. I can honestly say I have never felt grief like it, more than I have grieved for an adult I have lost. I know it will get easier but she was such a big part of my life it's hard to be without her.

I have to say Legacy Pets are very good and god forbid anyone had a pet at end of life or loses a pet I can highly recommend them. They brought a beautiful gift bag with everything in, A scatter tube with the majority of the ashes in, 3 little bags with some ashes in for myself, mum, and Kirsty in case anyone wants jewelry or anything done with some of the ashes, there was also a lovely fragrances candle and 3 small tubes with some of her hair in each one for the 3 of us. The small bags of ashes and tubes came in lovely small velvet drawstring bags and there was a certificate of cremation. Have to say they presented everything better than the place that bloody cremated my dad. His ashes came back in a big green plastic tub, very undignified and impersonal.

I already have two paw prints tattoos on my underarm for both my dogs so I will get some of Bonnie's ashes put into the ink and get her name and dates tattooed under one of the paw prints, that was she is always with me. I'm going to do the same with some of Dad's ashes as I have a tattoo of a cross on my arm that he had a copy of, so it would be nice to add some to the tattoo design we share.

Anyway to end on something less doom and gloom, here is today's rant...

I can't help but get frustrated when I am watching TV and an advert comes on with a celebrity voice-over and they use words like WE, our OUR as if we are meant to believe that these celebrities work for the companies they are promoting. Does Mel C really work for Ocado? Please credit it us with some intelligence if you are going to use celebrities to do your ads and just say "Ocado do this that and the other" Not "We deliver blah blah blah" cos you don't do you? THEY do! unless that's how you are now supplementing your income as an Ocado delivery driver?

And Sean Bean on the O2 ads saying "With OUR low prices", Funnily enough, I can't see you working in a call centre for O2 in between Movie shoots. I don't know why it bugs me but it just does, it's just something I always pick up on when I hear celebs in ads.

Here endeth the moan.

Made myself an Ovaltine before bed in the hope that it will help me sleep tonight. We shall see.