Disclaimer
Firtly, when I say my "health & well-being journey", firstly I don't profess to be some kind of guru or expert in any field. There are points when I have just done my own thing and not consulted my doctore first, which I definitely do not recommend.
Also, I am by no means where I want or need to be but I thought it would be good to start document my progress. It's often easy to only notice the things you haven't achieved, but sometimes you need a reminder of how far you've come. I also thought there may be other people who are currently where I was and feeling hopeless. Maybe reading about my journey (ups and downs), will let people know they are not alone and give them a few ideas or first steps.
By the way I don't mean I want to be some Men's Health magazine cover model. It is just as much about my mental health as it is about my physical health. The two are intrinsically linked and often if you are not taking care of your physical body, it's because your mental health isn't at it's best too and visa versa.
The Last Straw
Two years ago I was probably at my lowest point, both mentally and physically. I was constantly having low moods and my "Dark Cloud" was probably around more than it wasn't. I was physically unfit and had also put on quite a bit of extra weight to the point that I actually felt uncomfortable in my clothes which made me not want to go out as much.
You don't notice it so much when it creeps on gradually. I found myself just going up a size in clothes, then another, and then just wearing loose fitting clothes so I couldn't see my body shape properly and didn't have to think about it. The pic on the right is probaby not far from my body shape for a while. My belly started under my chest and I was at the stage where I could no longer breath it in when I went out on a night out.
I was living a very inactive lifestyle and didn't do any exercise at all, apart from the odd walk with the dogs. Even that I would try to put off and find excuses not to go too far if I could "oh it's raining, they won't want to go out in that" or "it's cold they look comfy I'll take them later". I would pretty much go to work, come home and then spend my evenings on the sofa watching TV and snacking on all the treats and goodies I had stocked my cupboards with. I love crisp and chocolate and these were always my go-to comfort foods. I love to cook but I just had no motivation to cook and was living on a lot of convenience or quick foods as I couldn't be bothered cooking from scratch any more.
I had been on antidepressants for 6 years, which never seemed to work for me (I had tried different types but none of them seemed to do what I was expecting). I think because I have always considered myself to be an upbeat person, I was hoping that they would make me feel happy again. Instead they kind of helped stop the lows, but they also dulled out the highs so I just felt numb and a kind of nothing. My depression began about 5 years ago. At the time I didn't make the connection but looking back I seemed to take a nose dive shortly after my dad passed away. For so long after he passed, I was probably running on auto-pilot. Sorting all the funeral arrangements, informing various official companies that my dad has passed, returning his wheelchairs, making arrangements for his mobility van to be collected etc. There was so much to do I didn't have time to grieve I just needed to get it all sorted. It's almost like after it was all done and there was nothing else to focus on my body just went into shut-down mode.
When you have depression it's not becasue you necessarily have a 'thing' to be depressed about. It's more like you just have this dark cloud constantly hanging over you that stops you from enjoying anything. you can't see the sun because it's there blocking it out, no matter how many times people tell you it's sunny you just don't see it.
I was also on blood pressure tablets as my blood pressure was so really high, which gave me really bad acid reflux. I was then prescribed omeprazole to manage the acid reflux.
I knew I was unhappy with the way things were and couldn't carry on this downward spiral. I wanted to change things for the better, but it sometimes feels so overwhleming and where to start when you have got yourself in a dark hole. I also wanted not to be on tablets for all these things and preferred to try and address the root cause of each symptom so that I could be medication-free.
So my first step was going to be trying to come off the various tablets....
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